Life on the personal front has been interesting. I've realized that I don't want to work in software forever, but I also realize that I have some issues that limit my career choices. Namely, I let myself become afraid of some things that I shouldn’t fear. I've managed to overcome some stuff I'd previously been afraid of more recently. I've managed to take control of aspects of my life by saying, "No. I will not let this beat me."
There is nothing more empowering than realizing, “I can.”
The key for me is twofold. One, I’ve been letting a lot of things limit me because I’ve been afraid of change. I’m not afraid anymore, and as far as I’m concerned, this very well might be the beginning of the rest of my life. My high paying, cushy job is killing me. Two? I spend so much time being focused on myself that I amplify my own problems.
I had to spend some time researching EMS and EMT work for some writing I was working on, and the more time I spent looking at the job, protocols, and endless piles of information, the more I realized that I would enjoy a job like that. It just felt right, comfortable. I could see myself out there, doing this. I find myself looking at things in a new light as a result. I spent some time after that reading a lot of EMS blogs, and I can’t help it – I feel like I’ve found something that fits my personality. I’m resilient, I can tolerate seeing people screwed up, and I react to stress better than I give myself credit.
I spoke with a friend last night (who has worked in the healthcare industry, and her husband does currently). I talked with her about all of this, and she smiled. She started going over a list of my traits that she thought would make this the perfect fit for me: the fact that I get along well with people, that I'm assertive, that I can be cool even when things are crazy. She says she could see it, that it would be a perfect fit.
She also noted that I had something very important: I was obviously very passionate about the possibility. I was excited. I spoke to her in animated tones about what I’d rather be doing.
I know if nothing else, there are a few people who believe in me. Who don’t give me the “you’re crazy” look.
I don’t know where any of this is going yet, but I feel better getting it out. I feel like I don’t have to focus it on myself anymore, but that I can admit it: I hate my job.
With that realization behind me, I can now effect change on my life.
Sadly, I still have to go in and face the hell-job tomorrow morning. I’m going to work on my resume and at least start with getting out of there.
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