A little history

History on the current job:

I started in the industry as a temp as a way to alleviate the pressure put on me to help out more with the bills. I dropped out of college to take the job, and was subsequently hired full time at the company.

For a while, I really loved the job. I was working with a piece of software that people were using every day. I thought that was amazing, and every time I thought about it, I was proud of my impact. I loved the work, I loved the things I worked on, and I loved the people.

Over time, though, things changed. First, the environment. It started with them promoting me to salary - only to slam me back down to hourly. My level did not change - they expected the same from me, but now I would be paid hourly. This was upsetting, to say the least. It also shook my confidence in my manager. He hadn't been upfront with me about this change, even when I confronted him (I suspected when I was told there was a change in how I was paid that they would move us back to hourly). I no longer believed that the company cared about me as a person.

I pushed up another level back into salary, though. Then some other problems started. My company is moving more towards asking people in my field to program. I'll be the first to say it: I am not a programmer. I never will be one. I am too people oriented (which is why I am in quality assurance - I want to ensure the product has the customer in mind, is usable by real people).

Management got shaken up along the way. The "numbers" had to look better and better, and it was no longer about quality - it was how nice your numbers looked compared to everyone else's.

I don't kiss enough ass to play this game.

I was willing to cope with it because I really liked the stuff I was working on. I would learn to program as best I could to automate because I did like the product.

Recently, I found out the work I enjoyed was being moved to another team. As far as I was concerned, that means the last thing keeping me in the job was gone.

It wasn't the job I loved, not really - it was what I had been doing. Now that's gone.

I've learned a lot about myself in this process, though. While a part of me wishes I could go back and never haven gone to the higher paying job, that I could go back and choose a career path that I would have loved when I had the chance, I know better: there's no way for me to have known then what I know now.

Best I can do is simply to move forward and learn from the mistakes I've made.