A short update on the lady from the car accident from last year. She is doing ok; she hurts pretty bad still, and may never completely recover from the injuries in her neck. But she always has a smile when she sees us. We ran into her at teriyaki and she introduced me to a friend of hers as the first responder at her car accident.
We had lunch with her recently, and it turns out she is a huge scifi/fantasy reader. We like a lot of the same stuff, and I think we'll start exchanging some books. She was interested in reading my book, which was pretty sweet (but shoot, she'll figure out that I'm crazy, heh).
She works in the same building as my husband, so we run into her once in a while. She's a really great lady, I'm hoping for a good recovery for her. Still a lot of appointments, but she's working full time and getting by.
Monday, September 07, 2009
Sunday, May 31, 2009
Maybe I should change that, post a little more in my little more anon corner of the intarwebs.
Everything is going ok. Work got a little crazy a few weeks ago, prompting a bit of anxiety that I didn't really need (and really making me wish I was getting bled on by strangers instead), but it cooled down once I ran around kicking ass for a few days.
I went on a 22 mile bike ride yesterday, which was pretty darned good by my standards and the fact that I'm a little gimpy on the bike. I got a sunburn which hurts like hell but I think it'll be fine. I also went to my dad's yesterday and spent the afternoon with him and my mom (well, my stepmom actually). We paddled around the lake in boats and sat by the fire pit drinking wine.
I don't talk much about my family here, mainly as this blog was oroginally a place that I just ranted about work where no one would notice. But I will say, my dad is pretty awesome. We're a lot alike, and were both pretty gung-ho to run out into the lake yesterday (my husband looked a little tired, but I told him that he didn't have to paddle, just sit there and enjoy the day). It's good to hang out with my dad.
I have been working on editing the novel a bit lately. It's a little bit of a pain in the butt. It's a lot of material, and that's hard to figure out. My husband suggested I pass it on to my dad to read, and my first thought was "oh hell no, this thing is a disaster!" It's just too much stuff. And hard to cut because I get so attached to the characters that I don't want to cut out interesting stuff regarding them. Trying to tell myself "it's interesting stuff for the next book, really, just put it there". Plus I have a very active imagination and it's always plotting. I find plots everywhere.
My husband is suffering one of the more annoying parts of raising a teenager this weekend, boiling down to "Teenager drives almost 300 miles away after we tell him the car can't make it, then calls to say the car broke down and we have to go get him." Yes, that's 16-ish hours with stops and towing a car that my husband will not get back (my sunburn made it too hard for me to sit in a car all day, so I stayed here and mowed the lawn).
With that, I'm back to the editing, at least until hunger gets the best of me. Maybe I will drum after that if there's time (although I'm not sure I want to drum given that my arms and shoulders are so burnt, might stretch things a little farther than is comfortable). But I think editing will keep me busy for a while. 113 pages down, 800-ish to go.
Everything is going ok. Work got a little crazy a few weeks ago, prompting a bit of anxiety that I didn't really need (and really making me wish I was getting bled on by strangers instead), but it cooled down once I ran around kicking ass for a few days.
I went on a 22 mile bike ride yesterday, which was pretty darned good by my standards and the fact that I'm a little gimpy on the bike. I got a sunburn which hurts like hell but I think it'll be fine. I also went to my dad's yesterday and spent the afternoon with him and my mom (well, my stepmom actually). We paddled around the lake in boats and sat by the fire pit drinking wine.
I don't talk much about my family here, mainly as this blog was oroginally a place that I just ranted about work where no one would notice. But I will say, my dad is pretty awesome. We're a lot alike, and were both pretty gung-ho to run out into the lake yesterday (my husband looked a little tired, but I told him that he didn't have to paddle, just sit there and enjoy the day). It's good to hang out with my dad.
I have been working on editing the novel a bit lately. It's a little bit of a pain in the butt. It's a lot of material, and that's hard to figure out. My husband suggested I pass it on to my dad to read, and my first thought was "oh hell no, this thing is a disaster!" It's just too much stuff. And hard to cut because I get so attached to the characters that I don't want to cut out interesting stuff regarding them. Trying to tell myself "it's interesting stuff for the next book, really, just put it there". Plus I have a very active imagination and it's always plotting. I find plots everywhere.
My husband is suffering one of the more annoying parts of raising a teenager this weekend, boiling down to "Teenager drives almost 300 miles away after we tell him the car can't make it, then calls to say the car broke down and we have to go get him." Yes, that's 16-ish hours with stops and towing a car that my husband will not get back (my sunburn made it too hard for me to sit in a car all day, so I stayed here and mowed the lawn).
With that, I'm back to the editing, at least until hunger gets the best of me. Maybe I will drum after that if there's time (although I'm not sure I want to drum given that my arms and shoulders are so burnt, might stretch things a little farther than is comfortable). But I think editing will keep me busy for a while. 113 pages down, 800-ish to go.
Thursday, October 16, 2008
Drummergirl's first actual car accident response
Yesterday started out in what seemed to be a normal fashion. We get out the door a little later than we'd planned so my husband decided to stop and get a chicken breakfast sandwich from McDonald's.
As he pulls off the offramp, someone comes flying up on his ass, has to slam on their brakes, then agressively goes around. He flies through a red light and lane changes a few lanes without a blinker.
I mutter, "Where's a cop when you need one?"
My husband just flipped the guy off, and we pull into the drive through.
The guy he flipped off turns his car around, chases us, gets out of his car, and starts yelling at hubby in the drive through. I don't remember the exact details of the conversation, but it equated to the guy didn't seem to think he'd done anything wrong and denied it.
He's flashing his badge (turns out he's a cop, whoops) and says, "You should be more careful who you flip off!" and starts freaking out.
My husband is not impressed and looks up at him. "Yeah, I might flip off a mentally unstable cop."
The guy flips out more. The drive through people ask that they take it somewhere else. Husband says, "Sorry, there's a cop out here who thinks he's God."
Then the guy is REALLY pissed, but he storms off with some vague threat. He'd been sort of making threats the whole time.
Finally he leaves and we're like "meh, whatever, he just proved he deserved the finger."
We keep on driving thinking it wouldn't get any weirder. We're driving down I-90 when traffic suddenly stops. Hubby slams on the brakes and we see a car veer to the side. It's pretty obviously an accident, so we start to drive around it. When I see that the woman in the front car isn't moving, I urge him to pull over. Hubby calls 911 and I race out into the freeway, thankfully there's only one lane of traffic and it's moving slow. I hold up my hand to stop traffic and cross to her car. The guy from the van that hit her is looking pretty upset that she's not moving, and he takes one look and starts asking for someone to call 911. Hubby is already on the phone.
I immediately forgot just about everything (in truth, all training I'd had went straight out the window) and started operating on instinct and let my brain catch up as it would. Otherwise, I knew I'd freeze, but I figured so long as I kept coming up with things to do or ask, it'd be okay. I opened the car door slowly and asked her not to move. I told her I was there to help her, and asked her what hurt (neck and back). Her breathing looked good, her radial pulse was there but fast, and I had her squeeze my hand and tell me what day it was. She hasn't blacked out (thank goodness) and didn't seem to have any damage on her, so I figured the best bet was to keep her right there and still until the EMTs showed up. I got her seatbelt off carefully (it wasn't holding her up or anything where she was at, and it was just one more thing in the way), and saw she wore a Microsoft badge. I asked her if I could take a look at it, although asking her name would probably be easier now that I think about it.
Once I had her name, I kept saying it and told her I worked at Microsoft, too. She wanted us to get a hold of her boss, so my husband started on that. I ran around to the far side of the car to get her wallet so it would be there if anyone needed her ID.
An actual EMT arrived then from a passing car, and he held her neck in place while I kept talking to her. I should have thought of holding her head in place, but since she seemed to be stable I'd been hesitant to risk doing too much. Although I think I did quite well for my first car accident response as a random bystander. She really appreciated us being there.
I think I remembered most of the things I needed to remember; forgot a couple of obvious ones like turning off the car (doh) and asking her age, which we got when the police arrived. I had positive handoff to EMS when I met them and relayed her name, age, and condition (yellow based on breathing, pulse, and mental state). They wanted to know how many patients, and it was just one - the other guys were moving around fine.
My husband sent her a mail with pictures of the scene when we got to work, and we heard from her later in the day. She was very thankful and called us heroes. That felt good even though I can't say I feel really like a hero. I'm just a girl who likes to help people. She's got back and neck pain and her left arm hurts, but nothing was broken and the ER sent her home with some painkillers (they took her to the hospital not far from work).
Hubby has a picture of the rear end of the car completely crunched with me next to the woman looking kind of "wha?".
All in all, an interesting day. I was completely wired after I left the scene, it was stronger than coffee. I was totally awake all day. I'm so glad I got to help someone, and that I actually managed to get most of it right. Not bad for my first actual response to an accident (I'm not counting the fender bender where everyone was up and walking afterwards), and considering I was probably half asleep when we came up on it. I learned a lot for the next time (yes, I'm sure they'll be a next time because now that I know I can manage myself well, I'll be stopping at every car accident that doesn't have response already on site).
Planning on sending the woman some flowers next week. I think she could use it.
As he pulls off the offramp, someone comes flying up on his ass, has to slam on their brakes, then agressively goes around. He flies through a red light and lane changes a few lanes without a blinker.
I mutter, "Where's a cop when you need one?"
My husband just flipped the guy off, and we pull into the drive through.
The guy he flipped off turns his car around, chases us, gets out of his car, and starts yelling at hubby in the drive through. I don't remember the exact details of the conversation, but it equated to the guy didn't seem to think he'd done anything wrong and denied it.
He's flashing his badge (turns out he's a cop, whoops) and says, "You should be more careful who you flip off!" and starts freaking out.
My husband is not impressed and looks up at him. "Yeah, I might flip off a mentally unstable cop."
The guy flips out more. The drive through people ask that they take it somewhere else. Husband says, "Sorry, there's a cop out here who thinks he's God."
Then the guy is REALLY pissed, but he storms off with some vague threat. He'd been sort of making threats the whole time.
Finally he leaves and we're like "meh, whatever, he just proved he deserved the finger."
We keep on driving thinking it wouldn't get any weirder. We're driving down I-90 when traffic suddenly stops. Hubby slams on the brakes and we see a car veer to the side. It's pretty obviously an accident, so we start to drive around it. When I see that the woman in the front car isn't moving, I urge him to pull over. Hubby calls 911 and I race out into the freeway, thankfully there's only one lane of traffic and it's moving slow. I hold up my hand to stop traffic and cross to her car. The guy from the van that hit her is looking pretty upset that she's not moving, and he takes one look and starts asking for someone to call 911. Hubby is already on the phone.
I immediately forgot just about everything (in truth, all training I'd had went straight out the window) and started operating on instinct and let my brain catch up as it would. Otherwise, I knew I'd freeze, but I figured so long as I kept coming up with things to do or ask, it'd be okay. I opened the car door slowly and asked her not to move. I told her I was there to help her, and asked her what hurt (neck and back). Her breathing looked good, her radial pulse was there but fast, and I had her squeeze my hand and tell me what day it was. She hasn't blacked out (thank goodness) and didn't seem to have any damage on her, so I figured the best bet was to keep her right there and still until the EMTs showed up. I got her seatbelt off carefully (it wasn't holding her up or anything where she was at, and it was just one more thing in the way), and saw she wore a Microsoft badge. I asked her if I could take a look at it, although asking her name would probably be easier now that I think about it.
Once I had her name, I kept saying it and told her I worked at Microsoft, too. She wanted us to get a hold of her boss, so my husband started on that. I ran around to the far side of the car to get her wallet so it would be there if anyone needed her ID.
An actual EMT arrived then from a passing car, and he held her neck in place while I kept talking to her. I should have thought of holding her head in place, but since she seemed to be stable I'd been hesitant to risk doing too much. Although I think I did quite well for my first car accident response as a random bystander. She really appreciated us being there.
I think I remembered most of the things I needed to remember; forgot a couple of obvious ones like turning off the car (doh) and asking her age, which we got when the police arrived. I had positive handoff to EMS when I met them and relayed her name, age, and condition (yellow based on breathing, pulse, and mental state). They wanted to know how many patients, and it was just one - the other guys were moving around fine.
My husband sent her a mail with pictures of the scene when we got to work, and we heard from her later in the day. She was very thankful and called us heroes. That felt good even though I can't say I feel really like a hero. I'm just a girl who likes to help people. She's got back and neck pain and her left arm hurts, but nothing was broken and the ER sent her home with some painkillers (they took her to the hospital not far from work).
Hubby has a picture of the rear end of the car completely crunched with me next to the woman looking kind of "wha?".
All in all, an interesting day. I was completely wired after I left the scene, it was stronger than coffee. I was totally awake all day. I'm so glad I got to help someone, and that I actually managed to get most of it right. Not bad for my first actual response to an accident (I'm not counting the fender bender where everyone was up and walking afterwards), and considering I was probably half asleep when we came up on it. I learned a lot for the next time (yes, I'm sure they'll be a next time because now that I know I can manage myself well, I'll be stopping at every car accident that doesn't have response already on site).
Planning on sending the woman some flowers next week. I think she could use it.
Sunday, March 02, 2008
Two cool things
I started college again this week - hubby and I decided it was time to get off our butts, so we signed up for classes. We're doing the online sort of thing, but it works because of our crazy schedules.
And CERT training starts this week - it's Community Emergency Response Team training. Learning how to deal with major disasters and triaging patients and search and rescue and lots of other fun things. I'm pretty excited about it.
And CERT training starts this week - it's Community Emergency Response Team training. Learning how to deal with major disasters and triaging patients and search and rescue and lots of other fun things. I'm pretty excited about it.
Thursday, December 13, 2007
Still keeping busy
Still loving the job, freakishly enough. Found out today that the whole team is getting Zunes for the holidays. On top of giving me lots of free food for some work I did? Management is on my happy list.
We're currently having a lot of floor captain and first aid training on my floor. I got a shiny sticker that declares me a floor captain, and I have first aid in Jan (just in time to renew my card, too). It's very good stuff (and me and the guy across the hall can totally nerd out on it all day).
Fell on my head last week, hit it hard on ice, and now I can mysteriously drum way more of Rush's "Limelight" than I could before. Perhaps the key to drumming is head injuries, although that's not something I think I want to do again. I've had enough CT scans to last me a year, thanks.
Developed a nasty new addiction. Damn you, Bioware, for Mass Effect. Now the laundry will never get done. Particularly with 2 Xbox 360s and 2 Mass Effect addicts in the house (between me and my husband, that's it, I don't think anything will get done until we're on vacation next week).
We're currently having a lot of floor captain and first aid training on my floor. I got a shiny sticker that declares me a floor captain, and I have first aid in Jan (just in time to renew my card, too). It's very good stuff (and me and the guy across the hall can totally nerd out on it all day).
Fell on my head last week, hit it hard on ice, and now I can mysteriously drum way more of Rush's "Limelight" than I could before. Perhaps the key to drumming is head injuries, although that's not something I think I want to do again. I've had enough CT scans to last me a year, thanks.
Developed a nasty new addiction. Damn you, Bioware, for Mass Effect. Now the laundry will never get done. Particularly with 2 Xbox 360s and 2 Mass Effect addicts in the house (between me and my husband, that's it, I don't think anything will get done until we're on vacation next week).
Saturday, November 17, 2007
Recovering from virus?
The day after my birthday (my 30th, no less), I got really sick. It's mostly gone but I missed three days of work for it. A little rough these days, that, given that I'm the primary knowledge base for a lot of my team and we've had a lot going on lately. I did a lot of work from home which helped (apparently, most people didn't even know I was out unless I specifically told them, and even then my boss said she didn't even notice I was gone because I wrote so much e-mail while out).
Unfortunate side effect to being sick is that I don't feel like doing anything but sleeping and playing video games. I'm back in the gym tomorrow (weights are calling my name), and hopefully lots of drumming this weekend. Also finishing the granite on the kitchen island.
Probably the part I'm stressing the most about being sick is that I didn't get much writing or drumming done; I did draw a little, but not a whole lot else. My brain wasn't able to focus on text or just about anything, so I mainly watched TV. Drumming was hard because moving made my head spin (and I'm not exactly a stationary drummer these days, I'm all over the kit). I'm glad it's over, but it hit me so bad (worse than I've ever been hit). I'm still coughing a bit and blowing my nose, and just finishing up the antibiotic ointment for the case of pink eye that I got at the same time. Yes, it was that screwed up (timing is everything!).
However, birthday rocked, got money and an iTunes giftcard and a gift cert from my team (aw!) to a music store. A surprise birthday lunch and for dinner we went with my grandma to dinner. After promising that he would throw me no surprise parties, my husband decided to be clever and got a coworker to do it instead. Sneaky loophole! But it was fun anyway.
Addicted to "The Battalion" podcast; it's about the San Francisco Fire Department. Good stuff. Between the iPod and hubby and stepson's new video cards (Radeon HD 2900 Pros), the geek factor is probably through the roof in our house.
We now have almost official full custody of stepson (it's shifting from temporary to permanent). He said tonight that he felt bad he didn't get me a birthday present. I told him it was cool, but in retrospect, I should have told him that my present was knowing that he got to stay with us. He gave me some presents in game on Guild Wars instead (aw).
And I'm sad that winter is on the way - time to take the ol' sportscar/racing car off the insurance again and garage it for the winter. On the other side of that, it's around this time of year that I met my husband 11 years ago, and that's always good to think about. 11 years together, 7.5 of it married, and we almost never fight (really). I think in the last 7 years we fought 3 times.
Yay I'm 30! :D
Unfortunate side effect to being sick is that I don't feel like doing anything but sleeping and playing video games. I'm back in the gym tomorrow (weights are calling my name), and hopefully lots of drumming this weekend. Also finishing the granite on the kitchen island.
Probably the part I'm stressing the most about being sick is that I didn't get much writing or drumming done; I did draw a little, but not a whole lot else. My brain wasn't able to focus on text or just about anything, so I mainly watched TV. Drumming was hard because moving made my head spin (and I'm not exactly a stationary drummer these days, I'm all over the kit). I'm glad it's over, but it hit me so bad (worse than I've ever been hit). I'm still coughing a bit and blowing my nose, and just finishing up the antibiotic ointment for the case of pink eye that I got at the same time. Yes, it was that screwed up (timing is everything!).
However, birthday rocked, got money and an iTunes giftcard and a gift cert from my team (aw!) to a music store. A surprise birthday lunch and for dinner we went with my grandma to dinner. After promising that he would throw me no surprise parties, my husband decided to be clever and got a coworker to do it instead. Sneaky loophole! But it was fun anyway.
Addicted to "The Battalion" podcast; it's about the San Francisco Fire Department. Good stuff. Between the iPod and hubby and stepson's new video cards (Radeon HD 2900 Pros), the geek factor is probably through the roof in our house.
We now have almost official full custody of stepson (it's shifting from temporary to permanent). He said tonight that he felt bad he didn't get me a birthday present. I told him it was cool, but in retrospect, I should have told him that my present was knowing that he got to stay with us. He gave me some presents in game on Guild Wars instead (aw).
And I'm sad that winter is on the way - time to take the ol' sportscar/racing car off the insurance again and garage it for the winter. On the other side of that, it's around this time of year that I met my husband 11 years ago, and that's always good to think about. 11 years together, 7.5 of it married, and we almost never fight (really). I think in the last 7 years we fought 3 times.
Yay I'm 30! :D
Friday, October 26, 2007
I'm nuts
Lord help me, I've rediscovered the joy of EMS scanners. I spent yesterday happily coding away while listening to all the crazy stuff going on. If only I was out in it!
Life is insane. Work is nuts (it's the blind leading the blind, my boss is having me help the rest of the team code, and I'm thinking, "Yeah like that's going to help, I'm lousy at this stuff"). And then I have drumming, bellydance, working on the house, writing, trying to cram in weightlifting, the occasional Guild Wars, and of course spending time with the family. We got custody of my stepson for now so there has been a tiny bit of adjusting to having a 16 year old living with us, but it's been good. He's the most awesome teenager ever so that helps. He's learning to drive. Also, my husband's band has a show tonight, and the rest of the weekend is booked. I think every weekend is booked. Maybe next weekend I'll try to find some time to play the XBox 360 - I think it's calling my name. Although I may just go play the good ol' xbox. And I have this bad urge to take up drawing again. I guess it's no wonder I haven't had time to hike or race or go offroading. :P But we have taken up riding our bikes again more recently, although the onset of the cold makes that a little harder.
We're putting in granite countertops, and since we're doing them ourselves we're hand polishing the edge of each tile. Yes, this is painful. I usually sit around doing it while watching TV.
At work, we have a wacky coding deadline next week, and I'm not the strongest of coders anyway. I'm actually kicking butt on the coding, but I'm also trying to help others with
their code, and that's a little hard as I'm learning as I go a lot, too. It's fun in a sick sort of way.
Winter is on the way already; we've already had one windstorm that knocked the power out. Thankfully, we bought a generator last time this happened, so while most people sat in the dark, our little corner of neighborhood had 3 generators going. Four extension cords later we had the fridge, freezer, a lamp, and the entire entertainment center running. Hey, I may not have power, but I have Xbox 360 and cable. :)
I'll be 30 in about a week and a half. Best part about 30 is that I feel awesome. Life is awesome. :D I work at a company where the product I help develop is used by SO many
people, and I get to help make it great. I get to do most of the stuff I love. How can you go wrong with that? And I may even get in good shape again soon (drummergirl SMASH). I'm convinced I'm going to finish a novel one of these days and I'm seriously contemplating trying to pitch a TV show. I'm completely insane, but I like that I don't stop dreaming as I "grow up". What the heck is growing up, anyway?
I'm having to learn to drum Limelight by Rush. This is a little painful right now; Neil Peart is a drumming god, and the switching around in and out of different timings is really strange for me still. 4/4 to 3/4 to 6/8 to 2/4 ect. It's awesome fun, though. I'm up to three drum kits. I think it's time to sell one. I like having a digital kit, but I only need one acoustic and I have 2 (I couldn't help myself waah). And at the moment we're in this place like sardines in a can and I can only have one kit at a time up anyway.
Life is insane. Work is nuts (it's the blind leading the blind, my boss is having me help the rest of the team code, and I'm thinking, "Yeah like that's going to help, I'm lousy at this stuff"). And then I have drumming, bellydance, working on the house, writing, trying to cram in weightlifting, the occasional Guild Wars, and of course spending time with the family. We got custody of my stepson for now so there has been a tiny bit of adjusting to having a 16 year old living with us, but it's been good. He's the most awesome teenager ever so that helps. He's learning to drive. Also, my husband's band has a show tonight, and the rest of the weekend is booked. I think every weekend is booked. Maybe next weekend I'll try to find some time to play the XBox 360 - I think it's calling my name. Although I may just go play the good ol' xbox. And I have this bad urge to take up drawing again. I guess it's no wonder I haven't had time to hike or race or go offroading. :P But we have taken up riding our bikes again more recently, although the onset of the cold makes that a little harder.
We're putting in granite countertops, and since we're doing them ourselves we're hand polishing the edge of each tile. Yes, this is painful. I usually sit around doing it while watching TV.
At work, we have a wacky coding deadline next week, and I'm not the strongest of coders anyway. I'm actually kicking butt on the coding, but I'm also trying to help others with
their code, and that's a little hard as I'm learning as I go a lot, too. It's fun in a sick sort of way.
Winter is on the way already; we've already had one windstorm that knocked the power out. Thankfully, we bought a generator last time this happened, so while most people sat in the dark, our little corner of neighborhood had 3 generators going. Four extension cords later we had the fridge, freezer, a lamp, and the entire entertainment center running. Hey, I may not have power, but I have Xbox 360 and cable. :)
I'll be 30 in about a week and a half. Best part about 30 is that I feel awesome. Life is awesome. :D I work at a company where the product I help develop is used by SO many
people, and I get to help make it great. I get to do most of the stuff I love. How can you go wrong with that? And I may even get in good shape again soon (drummergirl SMASH). I'm convinced I'm going to finish a novel one of these days and I'm seriously contemplating trying to pitch a TV show. I'm completely insane, but I like that I don't stop dreaming as I "grow up". What the heck is growing up, anyway?
I'm having to learn to drum Limelight by Rush. This is a little painful right now; Neil Peart is a drumming god, and the switching around in and out of different timings is really strange for me still. 4/4 to 3/4 to 6/8 to 2/4 ect. It's awesome fun, though. I'm up to three drum kits. I think it's time to sell one. I like having a digital kit, but I only need one acoustic and I have 2 (I couldn't help myself waah). And at the moment we're in this place like sardines in a can and I can only have one kit at a time up anyway.
Monday, October 08, 2007
Not dead?
Holy crap I haven't updated this in a long time. A lot of things have changed. With a change of management came a change in... well, everything. It's amazing. I like work again. Everything has changed, and for the better.
I still want to change to EMS, but I don't know when it'll be financially feasible. It's looking like the best bet there will be to get my bills down a lot, and work on my novels in my spare time, and see if I can swing part time author/EMT.
Right now, I can't manage to justify taking the paycut. I hate that I'm stuck with what I'm doing because of it, but I'm getting some pretty crazy pay and just got another raise. I can't justify giving that up right now. It's the golden handcuffs.
It's been strange how I was convinced that Microsoft and software testing was what was wrong with my life (although there is also the chance that the long drawn out process that was Windows Vista was actually what was killing us all, because by the end of it we were all so fried that we just wanted to be done so the suffering would be over). I had been on the verge of leaving either Microsoft or at least testing when new management came in. New management knew this, and I made no buts about it - I told them that they didn't need to plan on me sticking around because I wasn't going to be.
When the dust from the changes settled, I got handed to a new lead who looked at me on day one and said, "Give this a chance. We really don't want to lose you."
Sucker that I am, I agreed to give it a shot.
It's been 10 months under completely new management. I have dropped all my antidepressants (although the winter may change that), and I have my life back. It's not that it's not stressful at times - it still often is, and is sometimes completely crazy. But when things go nuts, my boss says, "Management and myself trust you to make good decisions. Do what you think is right." So I do. I go to work, I do my job exactly how *I* want to do it, and not once, in an impressive 10 months, have either of my managers worried about that.
It's all been a bit of a reason to look at my life. I'd rather be an EMT, but I haven't come out so badly. I'm still stalking ambulances and I eye the ballots for EMS funding issues so I can vote for EMS getting some more money. It's weird how this sideline thing that started as research for a book has stuck with me so long.
I'm almost 30. I don't want children (which means I take a lot of crap as a female). I've got a lot still to do in life, and I know I won't be testing software forever. But for now, the change I needed found me, even though I tried to fight it. And things panned out okay.
I don't know when I'll write again - it's possible that I'll start going back to keeping in touch with people as "myself" rather than this ambiguous "cravingchange" alias. I've realized over the last number of months that part of "me" is my love of EMS, and there's no use keeping that confined here. Which I don't really do anyway I guess; they asked me for one interesting fact about me at my first team meeting with the new team. I said, "I'm an emergency medicine nerd."
I'm going to be taking the local Community Emergency Response Team training in spring, and I'm hoping to be a floor captain at work to give me some hands on emergency experience (although with my luck all it'll be is fire drills!).
I've got a new manager now and that's almost scary because it's another change. But then again, the worst that can happen is that I'm back to where I was, looking for change. Which, in the end, isn't such a bad journey at all.
I don't know if anyone is reading, but if you are, thanks.
I still want to change to EMS, but I don't know when it'll be financially feasible. It's looking like the best bet there will be to get my bills down a lot, and work on my novels in my spare time, and see if I can swing part time author/EMT.
Right now, I can't manage to justify taking the paycut. I hate that I'm stuck with what I'm doing because of it, but I'm getting some pretty crazy pay and just got another raise. I can't justify giving that up right now. It's the golden handcuffs.
It's been strange how I was convinced that Microsoft and software testing was what was wrong with my life (although there is also the chance that the long drawn out process that was Windows Vista was actually what was killing us all, because by the end of it we were all so fried that we just wanted to be done so the suffering would be over). I had been on the verge of leaving either Microsoft or at least testing when new management came in. New management knew this, and I made no buts about it - I told them that they didn't need to plan on me sticking around because I wasn't going to be.
When the dust from the changes settled, I got handed to a new lead who looked at me on day one and said, "Give this a chance. We really don't want to lose you."
Sucker that I am, I agreed to give it a shot.
It's been 10 months under completely new management. I have dropped all my antidepressants (although the winter may change that), and I have my life back. It's not that it's not stressful at times - it still often is, and is sometimes completely crazy. But when things go nuts, my boss says, "Management and myself trust you to make good decisions. Do what you think is right." So I do. I go to work, I do my job exactly how *I* want to do it, and not once, in an impressive 10 months, have either of my managers worried about that.
It's all been a bit of a reason to look at my life. I'd rather be an EMT, but I haven't come out so badly. I'm still stalking ambulances and I eye the ballots for EMS funding issues so I can vote for EMS getting some more money. It's weird how this sideline thing that started as research for a book has stuck with me so long.
I'm almost 30. I don't want children (which means I take a lot of crap as a female). I've got a lot still to do in life, and I know I won't be testing software forever. But for now, the change I needed found me, even though I tried to fight it. And things panned out okay.
I don't know when I'll write again - it's possible that I'll start going back to keeping in touch with people as "myself" rather than this ambiguous "cravingchange" alias. I've realized over the last number of months that part of "me" is my love of EMS, and there's no use keeping that confined here. Which I don't really do anyway I guess; they asked me for one interesting fact about me at my first team meeting with the new team. I said, "I'm an emergency medicine nerd."
I'm going to be taking the local Community Emergency Response Team training in spring, and I'm hoping to be a floor captain at work to give me some hands on emergency experience (although with my luck all it'll be is fire drills!).
I've got a new manager now and that's almost scary because it's another change. But then again, the worst that can happen is that I'm back to where I was, looking for change. Which, in the end, isn't such a bad journey at all.
I don't know if anyone is reading, but if you are, thanks.
Friday, April 14, 2006
Backfire
I can't believe this.
I had a company interested in me. I love the idea of the company and how they do things, but it's in Seattle and I'm not so sure I want to commute over there (as right now, hubby and I drive together and I really like that). But, I really had some people pushing to get me the phone screens, so sure, I figured, what the hell.
Screen one is easy. It's the HR kind of one, finding out stuff about me, ect. Cake. By this point, though, I'm starting to second guess this idea of working in Seattle. Second phone screening comes along, and I'm thinking well... Crap. I'm not really sure if commuting to Seattle is such a good idea, and I have people telling me I'm crazy for wanting to leave MS, but I've already got the second screening scheduled.
I figured, I'll just be kind of crappy in the interview, and that'll be that. I give decent answers, but I'm brutally honest about my lousy programming skills, and I'm a little bit eh on the testing parts, too.
The recruiter who'd been working with me asked how it went. I kind of shrugged and said it was okay, but I didn't think I really bowled them over. I'm thinking to myself, hell, in fact I kind of tried to botch it.
So imagine my surprise when I check my mail and find out they want to do an in person interview. They *like* me.
WTF? I can not figure this out.
I'm thinking if they like me based on lackluster replies and want me in, what the hell. If they're thinking I'm that qualified based on me at my worst, wonder what they'll think when I give my best? Worst case, I don't get the job, or I get it and turn it down. Best case, I get myself into a cool little company.
My only concern is that the job is contract to hire - I'd be a temp for a while, and if they like me, they'll hire me. It would mean I would risk leaving behind my permanant job, but then again, I had recruiters harassing me for vendor work (sort of like temp work but more stable), and while it's a slight paycut, it is certainly a safety net.
This is freaking surreal at this point. I finally try to screw something up and I get it right. Hell of a world sometimes. Holding out on any concrete decisions until the interview process is complete; I keep bantering around the whole thing in my head, but really, I can't make any decisions one way or another until the interview is done.
Damn. One downside is that the commute would be funky, and I'd have to arrange a lot of parts of my life. It might also put off me getting into volunteer EMS, but then again, I might find I have a supportive workplace that's cool about me leaving a tad early sometimes for meetings or shifts.
So freaked out now.
I had a company interested in me. I love the idea of the company and how they do things, but it's in Seattle and I'm not so sure I want to commute over there (as right now, hubby and I drive together and I really like that). But, I really had some people pushing to get me the phone screens, so sure, I figured, what the hell.
Screen one is easy. It's the HR kind of one, finding out stuff about me, ect. Cake. By this point, though, I'm starting to second guess this idea of working in Seattle. Second phone screening comes along, and I'm thinking well... Crap. I'm not really sure if commuting to Seattle is such a good idea, and I have people telling me I'm crazy for wanting to leave MS, but I've already got the second screening scheduled.
I figured, I'll just be kind of crappy in the interview, and that'll be that. I give decent answers, but I'm brutally honest about my lousy programming skills, and I'm a little bit eh on the testing parts, too.
The recruiter who'd been working with me asked how it went. I kind of shrugged and said it was okay, but I didn't think I really bowled them over. I'm thinking to myself, hell, in fact I kind of tried to botch it.
So imagine my surprise when I check my mail and find out they want to do an in person interview. They *like* me.
WTF? I can not figure this out.
I'm thinking if they like me based on lackluster replies and want me in, what the hell. If they're thinking I'm that qualified based on me at my worst, wonder what they'll think when I give my best? Worst case, I don't get the job, or I get it and turn it down. Best case, I get myself into a cool little company.
My only concern is that the job is contract to hire - I'd be a temp for a while, and if they like me, they'll hire me. It would mean I would risk leaving behind my permanant job, but then again, I had recruiters harassing me for vendor work (sort of like temp work but more stable), and while it's a slight paycut, it is certainly a safety net.
This is freaking surreal at this point. I finally try to screw something up and I get it right. Hell of a world sometimes. Holding out on any concrete decisions until the interview process is complete; I keep bantering around the whole thing in my head, but really, I can't make any decisions one way or another until the interview is done.
Damn. One downside is that the commute would be funky, and I'd have to arrange a lot of parts of my life. It might also put off me getting into volunteer EMS, but then again, I might find I have a supportive workplace that's cool about me leaving a tad early sometimes for meetings or shifts.
So freaked out now.
Monday, March 27, 2006
A feeling of awkwardness
http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/264412_shoottimeline26ww.html
A lot of it speaks for itself.
I am one of those water off a duck's back sort of people when it comes to violence. It does not affect me like it does other people. One reason why I felt I'd make a good EMT is because of this ability to not feel the pain of these things, to be able to distance myself, but still feel empathy for people themselves and what they're going through.
Reading about this shooting so close to where I live shook me a little bit. I'm certainly not raving upset or depressed, but I felt my throat close up and I'm having trouble not thinking about it.
I don't think it shakes my feeling of what I feel like I should be doing, and will do one day, not by a long shot. But it does drive home, for me, that there will be times that the things medics see are often senseless, frustrating, and sorrowing. I knew that logically, but I'm not sure I really understand what that feels like until now.
It's strange, really. I've read countless stories, seen countless things, have inflicted stories of so many awful things on myself, just trying to shake myself at all. Nothing. 9/11? I was very much simply "What the hell? Assholes!" about the whole thing.
Maybe I'm more human than I think I am some days.
A lot of it speaks for itself.
I am one of those water off a duck's back sort of people when it comes to violence. It does not affect me like it does other people. One reason why I felt I'd make a good EMT is because of this ability to not feel the pain of these things, to be able to distance myself, but still feel empathy for people themselves and what they're going through.
Reading about this shooting so close to where I live shook me a little bit. I'm certainly not raving upset or depressed, but I felt my throat close up and I'm having trouble not thinking about it.
I don't think it shakes my feeling of what I feel like I should be doing, and will do one day, not by a long shot. But it does drive home, for me, that there will be times that the things medics see are often senseless, frustrating, and sorrowing. I knew that logically, but I'm not sure I really understand what that feels like until now.
It's strange, really. I've read countless stories, seen countless things, have inflicted stories of so many awful things on myself, just trying to shake myself at all. Nothing. 9/11? I was very much simply "What the hell? Assholes!" about the whole thing.
Maybe I'm more human than I think I am some days.
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
Overdue update
Have fallen behind catching up with blogger people lately; I apologize, I suck. :P
Unfortunately, not many updates. After being shot down for that last job when I was so close, I'm feeling a little hopeless and have to keep reminding myself that there's life after this place. It's like a mantra. I'd put it on a sticky on my monitor, except that people would probably notice (it could go next to the FOCUS! and "don't forget who you are, and by the way, get off your butt and go to the gym" stickies). I'm hanging in there, though.
Interesting conversation a couple weeks ago. I was in line with my husband getting some hot chocolate and a coworker of his says, "I heard you want to be an EMT."
If I'd had the hot chocolate already, I probably would have choked on it, because I didn't think this was a commonly known thing. Apparently, my husband has told a number of people. Either that's a vote of support, or he thinks I'm crazy. Although knowing my husband, it's a vote of support because he's just that way. The only thing stopping us right now is money.
I hate money. I talked with my future sister-in-law recently, and she said that she didn't care about money. It's all fine and good to say that, but in the end, it puts the roof over your head and food on the table. It's not everything, but the nature of the beast is that you can't live without it. And my future sister-in-law says that admittedly as someone who is not working (my brother pays for all her bills and stuff, which isn't great as he isn't making all that much himself).
I'm getting quite a few pings about my resume, and I'll be doing some followups soon on those oportunities. I keep reminding myself that I'm very lucky - there's much worse places to be, but I know that it's a matter of time for me. Best I can expect on my next review is "meets expectations" because I don't do much programming, and at the end of this product cycle, that's mostly likely going to translate to a layoff. Not because of my performance so much as the fact that they want my sort of position to be at a certain "level", and I fall one level short. Even if I kick some butt, it's not likely I'll get the promotion to that level in time.
If I stay here, though, worst case scenario, I put up with the BS for another 8 months, and they lay me off. In which case, I get a sizable severence package and have some breathing room to look for a job full time.
In other news, I've picked up a potentially dangerous addiction in the form of Guild Wars. Way to see my home life productivity go down the toilet, but a startlingly good way to cope with stress. It can be stressful dying over and over, of course, but really, the game is risk free - it's pretty hard to screw up so bad that you can't undo it.
Keeping my chin up, and making the first solid steps towards getting my finances in order so that I can make all this actually happen, getting out of the software industry.
Unfortunately, not many updates. After being shot down for that last job when I was so close, I'm feeling a little hopeless and have to keep reminding myself that there's life after this place. It's like a mantra. I'd put it on a sticky on my monitor, except that people would probably notice (it could go next to the FOCUS! and "don't forget who you are, and by the way, get off your butt and go to the gym" stickies). I'm hanging in there, though.
Interesting conversation a couple weeks ago. I was in line with my husband getting some hot chocolate and a coworker of his says, "I heard you want to be an EMT."
If I'd had the hot chocolate already, I probably would have choked on it, because I didn't think this was a commonly known thing. Apparently, my husband has told a number of people. Either that's a vote of support, or he thinks I'm crazy. Although knowing my husband, it's a vote of support because he's just that way. The only thing stopping us right now is money.
I hate money. I talked with my future sister-in-law recently, and she said that she didn't care about money. It's all fine and good to say that, but in the end, it puts the roof over your head and food on the table. It's not everything, but the nature of the beast is that you can't live without it. And my future sister-in-law says that admittedly as someone who is not working (my brother pays for all her bills and stuff, which isn't great as he isn't making all that much himself).
I'm getting quite a few pings about my resume, and I'll be doing some followups soon on those oportunities. I keep reminding myself that I'm very lucky - there's much worse places to be, but I know that it's a matter of time for me. Best I can expect on my next review is "meets expectations" because I don't do much programming, and at the end of this product cycle, that's mostly likely going to translate to a layoff. Not because of my performance so much as the fact that they want my sort of position to be at a certain "level", and I fall one level short. Even if I kick some butt, it's not likely I'll get the promotion to that level in time.
If I stay here, though, worst case scenario, I put up with the BS for another 8 months, and they lay me off. In which case, I get a sizable severence package and have some breathing room to look for a job full time.
In other news, I've picked up a potentially dangerous addiction in the form of Guild Wars. Way to see my home life productivity go down the toilet, but a startlingly good way to cope with stress. It can be stressful dying over and over, of course, but really, the game is risk free - it's pretty hard to screw up so bad that you can't undo it.
Keeping my chin up, and making the first solid steps towards getting my finances in order so that I can make all this actually happen, getting out of the software industry.
Saturday, February 04, 2006
And... no
Well, crum. No job. Long story short, the company I'd be contracted with decided they didn't need any people like me from the company that would have been hiring me. So they didn't hire me. They said they're keeping me in mind for future opportunities, though.
Looks like it's time to pimp the resume. Curse a debt ratio that keeps me in this infernal industry. I'm buying some lottery tickets. :P
Looks like it's time to pimp the resume. Curse a debt ratio that keeps me in this infernal industry. I'm buying some lottery tickets. :P
Saturday, January 28, 2006
Short update
The company that met with me earlier this week really wants to get me in on the team they're forming. I've got to meet with them a bit more, but if all goes well, I might have a new job within the next 48 hours.
I feel like jumping onto a table and yelling about it for a few minutes. As is, I'm going to be having dinner with the neighbors soon and I'm sure they'll hear ALL about it.
I feel like a little part of my life has kind of woken up and looked around. Even if I don't get this job (and I really hope I do), I'm no worse off than I was before, and I proved one thing - it's possible. There's options out there.
I feel like jumping onto a table and yelling about it for a few minutes. As is, I'm going to be having dinner with the neighbors soon and I'm sure they'll hear ALL about it.
I feel like a little part of my life has kind of woken up and looked around. Even if I don't get this job (and I really hope I do), I'm no worse off than I was before, and I proved one thing - it's possible. There's options out there.
Tuesday, January 24, 2006
Moment of OMG nervous
A company has contacted me and would like to speak to me tomorrow.
*Tomorrow*.
Here's hoping I don't vomit on myself in nervousness.
*Tomorrow*.
Here's hoping I don't vomit on myself in nervousness.
Sunday, January 22, 2006
The secret is coming out
So I've been starting to tentatively talk to more people about my possible career. No one thinks I'm crazy yet.
I've started mentioning it often to my husband, and it's to the point where it's part of daily conversation. I had to deal with children the other day (me and children are a dish best served on opposite sides of the table; I'm pretty good with kids for periods of time less than an hour or two, but I'm not really a kid person at all).
My husband actually pointed out that it would be good for me to get practice with dealing with kids more consistantly for when I'm an EMT (which was funny because it's exactly what I was telling myself anyway). As I said - I'm not *bad* at it, but I'm really not a kid person.
He's gotten used to the idea, at least. I'm really happy about that.
On the work front, work was very good last week, but I keep reminding myself: that isn't a permanent situation. It's happened before, it'll happen again.
Overall, though, life feels pretty decent this week, which at least makes it easier to get through to the fun stuff in my days.
I've started mentioning it often to my husband, and it's to the point where it's part of daily conversation. I had to deal with children the other day (me and children are a dish best served on opposite sides of the table; I'm pretty good with kids for periods of time less than an hour or two, but I'm not really a kid person at all).
My husband actually pointed out that it would be good for me to get practice with dealing with kids more consistantly for when I'm an EMT (which was funny because it's exactly what I was telling myself anyway). As I said - I'm not *bad* at it, but I'm really not a kid person.
He's gotten used to the idea, at least. I'm really happy about that.
On the work front, work was very good last week, but I keep reminding myself: that isn't a permanent situation. It's happened before, it'll happen again.
Overall, though, life feels pretty decent this week, which at least makes it easier to get through to the fun stuff in my days.
Sunday, January 15, 2006
Random short update
I am still falling to the dark side, so to speak. Am driving everyone crazy with my random first aid and CPR fun things I learned, and I think at least one person is disturbed at the level of knowledge I have over the local fire station and how quickly I can spot our little town's ambulance.
My husband is talking about moving to Europe in a few years; he says it would be easier for him to make a living doing what he loves there. EMTs and paramedics are still paid pretty low over there, but it might work out if his stuff pays enough. We're going to do the research. Really, it's pretty early to even discuss much, but it's interesting and it's creeping into conversation. My stepson noted at dinner that his mother is just inspiring him to move to Europe after high school. Heh.
Job situation the same, however, last week was pretty good, for all of being a short week for me (sick, yuck). I feel like I kicked some serious butt, but it's still time to move on soonishly.
I also did some really good cooking over the weekend in an effort to save money and eat better. So far, so good. I'm not exactly natural born chef material here, but people are eating the food, and that's good by me.
My husband is talking about moving to Europe in a few years; he says it would be easier for him to make a living doing what he loves there. EMTs and paramedics are still paid pretty low over there, but it might work out if his stuff pays enough. We're going to do the research. Really, it's pretty early to even discuss much, but it's interesting and it's creeping into conversation. My stepson noted at dinner that his mother is just inspiring him to move to Europe after high school. Heh.
Job situation the same, however, last week was pretty good, for all of being a short week for me (sick, yuck). I feel like I kicked some serious butt, but it's still time to move on soonishly.
I also did some really good cooking over the weekend in an effort to save money and eat better. So far, so good. I'm not exactly natural born chef material here, but people are eating the food, and that's good by me.
Tuesday, January 10, 2006
First aid/CPR stuff
My first aid/CPR class was Saturday, and I have to say, it was a lot more thorough than I had thought it would be (which was very cool). Not only did I get the normal first aid/CPR stuff for adults, children, and infants, but I also learned how to use an AED and we had a nice beefy section on bloodborne pathogens.
As for CPR, they're still teaching the 15-2 ratio for compressions-breaths, and I asked the instructor (an EMT himself) about the new standard. He said that the thought seemed to be that at 15 compressions, the circulatory system just got going, and by increasing that, more blood will move through the body.
There's a lot more concentration on safety than the last time I took a course like this (which was something like 11 years ago). Good stuff. AEDs talk funny. They seem super easy to use, but I'm glad that I've got an idea because now I can say that I could use one without hesitation if needed.
Nice way to spend a Saturday.
Tuesday, January 03, 2006
Spectacularly unimpressed with my company today
:: facepalm ::
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/01/03/AR2006010301400.html
"Security experts yesterday criticized Microsoft Corp. for waiting until next week to address a recently revealed flaw in the Windows operating system that they say is unusually dangerous.
The experts took the unusual step of urging users to install a patch created by a private developer, saying Microsoft is downplaying the severity of the security hole."
D'oh.
http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/01/03/AR2006010301400.html
"Security experts yesterday criticized Microsoft Corp. for waiting until next week to address a recently revealed flaw in the Windows operating system that they say is unusually dangerous.
The experts took the unusual step of urging users to install a patch created by a private developer, saying Microsoft is downplaying the severity of the security hole."
D'oh.
Monday, January 02, 2006
Thinking outloud
Hoping this isn't too much bitching and moaning. :)
I found myself digging through a lot of the stuff in the house, and found stuff like my old PSAT scores. The scores were good; what killed me is that at that point, in 1994, I'd put down that my intended major as being in health sciences. What the heck happened?
It started me retracing my steps through my life, how I got to this point. I think where it started was at the place I used to live. I lived with my fiance and a roommate, and we had a deal when we moved in that they would split the house payment, and I would pay the utilities. I would be considered a full time student, and they would support me in this.
It seemed simple enough. I worked only part time in a fairly low paying job, but I brought home around $600 a month - plenty for utilities, plus I also had an ample stock account at the time that I could draw off of as needed. It was intended to pay for college, but at this point, I'd changed to a community college, and the education wouldn't use as much money. There was some leeway.
Within months, things degenerated. Our roommate got his license. He got a few cars. He started to race one, sink money into another, and his driving record became bad quickly. Bit by bit, there was less money to pay the house payment. My fiance and I made up the difference, but then everything started going all to hell. We started fighting, all three of us. All the time. Those were still some of the worst years of my life.
It didn't take long for the blame for the situation to fall onto me. With few options and a lot of pressure on me, I dropped out of school for a semester, thinking that I might take one semester off, work full time, make some extra cash, then get back to school.
It didn't happen. Even at a full 40-48 hours a week, it still wasn't enough to fix the damage that our roommate had already done. For a while, we sent in our half of the mortgage and then he'd send his in, usually after he begged it from a family member. Soon, the people that we were buying the house from refused to take our payment without his. The mortgage payments started to fall farther behind.
I had no options - with my relationship and household crumbling under me, I started looking at contract jobs at the large technology company down the street. I'd tried this before, before I went back to school, but had never managed to land a job.
Amazingly, I did, first time I'd tried in about a year. And so I was off. I loved what I was doing at the time, and after a number of months, I had a chance to interview for a full time job. I did, and I didn't get that job, although I did end up landing another one. I really thought I was doing the right thing; I mean, this was *Microsoft*. How much better could I do?
Well, here I am, years later, and I think to myself, I'm not sure how much of it was the job and how much of it was the team. They were really good people, and even now I miss working with them. That team has since been scattered. And what I do now isn't the same. It won't ever be.
I will never cease to regret the fact that I let other people push me into the decision. If I'd been the person I am now, I'd have been more stubborn and strong, and I would have stood my ground. Then again, though, I'm not sure I'd be the person I am today if I hadn't had those experiences, if I hadn't learned that if I don't stand up and put my foot down, no one is going to do it for me.
Sometimes it's those experiences in life that you hate the most that teach you the most about who you are. I know who I am, and that's more than my mother could say for herself, for example. Some people never learn who they really are, and I'm fortunate in a way; I'm only 28, and I feel very comfortable in my skin so to speak.
I understand myself and am starting to get more ideas of the kinds of things I was meant to do in this world. I really want to help people. I think that's why being an EMT or a personal trainer appeal to me so much. It's obvious how an EMT or paramedic helps people, and as for a personal trainer, one helped save my skin at one point. She gave me back my health, boosted my confidence, and when I dropped over 50 lbs, I realized that I'd love to pass that gift on. I tend to do it in my way anyway, by helping people I know, friends and family, with what to eat, exercises to do, ect. It feels good to help people, to know that you've made some difference, however small. It's all those small differences added up that truly affect change in life.
I found myself digging through a lot of the stuff in the house, and found stuff like my old PSAT scores. The scores were good; what killed me is that at that point, in 1994, I'd put down that my intended major as being in health sciences. What the heck happened?
It started me retracing my steps through my life, how I got to this point. I think where it started was at the place I used to live. I lived with my fiance and a roommate, and we had a deal when we moved in that they would split the house payment, and I would pay the utilities. I would be considered a full time student, and they would support me in this.
It seemed simple enough. I worked only part time in a fairly low paying job, but I brought home around $600 a month - plenty for utilities, plus I also had an ample stock account at the time that I could draw off of as needed. It was intended to pay for college, but at this point, I'd changed to a community college, and the education wouldn't use as much money. There was some leeway.
Within months, things degenerated. Our roommate got his license. He got a few cars. He started to race one, sink money into another, and his driving record became bad quickly. Bit by bit, there was less money to pay the house payment. My fiance and I made up the difference, but then everything started going all to hell. We started fighting, all three of us. All the time. Those were still some of the worst years of my life.
It didn't take long for the blame for the situation to fall onto me. With few options and a lot of pressure on me, I dropped out of school for a semester, thinking that I might take one semester off, work full time, make some extra cash, then get back to school.
It didn't happen. Even at a full 40-48 hours a week, it still wasn't enough to fix the damage that our roommate had already done. For a while, we sent in our half of the mortgage and then he'd send his in, usually after he begged it from a family member. Soon, the people that we were buying the house from refused to take our payment without his. The mortgage payments started to fall farther behind.
I had no options - with my relationship and household crumbling under me, I started looking at contract jobs at the large technology company down the street. I'd tried this before, before I went back to school, but had never managed to land a job.
Amazingly, I did, first time I'd tried in about a year. And so I was off. I loved what I was doing at the time, and after a number of months, I had a chance to interview for a full time job. I did, and I didn't get that job, although I did end up landing another one. I really thought I was doing the right thing; I mean, this was *Microsoft*. How much better could I do?
Well, here I am, years later, and I think to myself, I'm not sure how much of it was the job and how much of it was the team. They were really good people, and even now I miss working with them. That team has since been scattered. And what I do now isn't the same. It won't ever be.
I will never cease to regret the fact that I let other people push me into the decision. If I'd been the person I am now, I'd have been more stubborn and strong, and I would have stood my ground. Then again, though, I'm not sure I'd be the person I am today if I hadn't had those experiences, if I hadn't learned that if I don't stand up and put my foot down, no one is going to do it for me.
Sometimes it's those experiences in life that you hate the most that teach you the most about who you are. I know who I am, and that's more than my mother could say for herself, for example. Some people never learn who they really are, and I'm fortunate in a way; I'm only 28, and I feel very comfortable in my skin so to speak.
I understand myself and am starting to get more ideas of the kinds of things I was meant to do in this world. I really want to help people. I think that's why being an EMT or a personal trainer appeal to me so much. It's obvious how an EMT or paramedic helps people, and as for a personal trainer, one helped save my skin at one point. She gave me back my health, boosted my confidence, and when I dropped over 50 lbs, I realized that I'd love to pass that gift on. I tend to do it in my way anyway, by helping people I know, friends and family, with what to eat, exercises to do, ect. It feels good to help people, to know that you've made some difference, however small. It's all those small differences added up that truly affect change in life.
Friday, December 30, 2005
Another thought on the money angle
We're currently paying around $450 in child support for my stepson who will be 18 in a few years, and $300 a month to the IRS to fix my husband's tax situation.
That right there is $750 that we're already used to having pulled out, and after that's done, we should be able to toss all of that into the bills and if we're this used to living slim, we might be able to pull off not having it just a little farther down the road. I think it's about time to call a tax attorney and see if we can negotiate something on the tax problem.
I can't believe my vacation is this close to over - I'll be back in the office on Tuesday. That is something I'm dreading, but I'm sure once I get rolling again after vacation I'll feel marginally better. The work isn't so bad, and I do count myself fortunate to have a job like the one I do. It just isn't the one I want to be doing!
Overall, though, vacation has been good. The downtime has given me a chance to do some serious soul searching, some cleaning, and even a bit of writing. It was just what I needed before rolling over into 2006, which I think is going to be a good year. I'm looking at it as the year of change, and that's really exciting and a little scary at the same time.
That right there is $750 that we're already used to having pulled out, and after that's done, we should be able to toss all of that into the bills and if we're this used to living slim, we might be able to pull off not having it just a little farther down the road. I think it's about time to call a tax attorney and see if we can negotiate something on the tax problem.
I can't believe my vacation is this close to over - I'll be back in the office on Tuesday. That is something I'm dreading, but I'm sure once I get rolling again after vacation I'll feel marginally better. The work isn't so bad, and I do count myself fortunate to have a job like the one I do. It just isn't the one I want to be doing!
Overall, though, vacation has been good. The downtime has given me a chance to do some serious soul searching, some cleaning, and even a bit of writing. It was just what I needed before rolling over into 2006, which I think is going to be a good year. I'm looking at it as the year of change, and that's really exciting and a little scary at the same time.
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