Not dead?

Holy crap I haven't updated this in a long time. A lot of things have changed. With a change of management came a change in... well, everything. It's amazing. I like work again. Everything has changed, and for the better.

I still want to change to EMS, but I don't know when it'll be financially feasible. It's looking like the best bet there will be to get my bills down a lot, and work on my novels in my spare time, and see if I can swing part time author/EMT.

Right now, I can't manage to justify taking the paycut. I hate that I'm stuck with what I'm doing because of it, but I'm getting some pretty crazy pay and just got another raise. I can't justify giving that up right now. It's the golden handcuffs.

It's been strange how I was convinced that Microsoft and software testing was what was wrong with my life (although there is also the chance that the long drawn out process that was Windows Vista was actually what was killing us all, because by the end of it we were all so fried that we just wanted to be done so the suffering would be over). I had been on the verge of leaving either Microsoft or at least testing when new management came in. New management knew this, and I made no buts about it - I told them that they didn't need to plan on me sticking around because I wasn't going to be.

When the dust from the changes settled, I got handed to a new lead who looked at me on day one and said, "Give this a chance. We really don't want to lose you."

Sucker that I am, I agreed to give it a shot.

It's been 10 months under completely new management. I have dropped all my antidepressants (although the winter may change that), and I have my life back. It's not that it's not stressful at times - it still often is, and is sometimes completely crazy. But when things go nuts, my boss says, "Management and myself trust you to make good decisions. Do what you think is right." So I do. I go to work, I do my job exactly how *I* want to do it, and not once, in an impressive 10 months, have either of my managers worried about that.

It's all been a bit of a reason to look at my life. I'd rather be an EMT, but I haven't come out so badly. I'm still stalking ambulances and I eye the ballots for EMS funding issues so I can vote for EMS getting some more money. It's weird how this sideline thing that started as research for a book has stuck with me so long.

I'm almost 30. I don't want children (which means I take a lot of crap as a female). I've got a lot still to do in life, and I know I won't be testing software forever. But for now, the change I needed found me, even though I tried to fight it. And things panned out okay.

I don't know when I'll write again - it's possible that I'll start going back to keeping in touch with people as "myself" rather than this ambiguous "cravingchange" alias. I've realized over the last number of months that part of "me" is my love of EMS, and there's no use keeping that confined here. Which I don't really do anyway I guess; they asked me for one interesting fact about me at my first team meeting with the new team. I said, "I'm an emergency medicine nerd."
I'm going to be taking the local Community Emergency Response Team training in spring, and I'm hoping to be a floor captain at work to give me some hands on emergency experience (although with my luck all it'll be is fire drills!).

I've got a new manager now and that's almost scary because it's another change. But then again, the worst that can happen is that I'm back to where I was, looking for change. Which, in the end, isn't such a bad journey at all.

I don't know if anyone is reading, but if you are, thanks.

Backfire

I can't believe this.

I had a company interested in me. I love the idea of the company and how they do things, but it's in Seattle and I'm not so sure I want to commute over there (as right now, hubby and I drive together and I really like that). But, I really had some people pushing to get me the phone screens, so sure, I figured, what the hell.

Screen one is easy. It's the HR kind of one, finding out stuff about me, ect. Cake. By this point, though, I'm starting to second guess this idea of working in Seattle. Second phone screening comes along, and I'm thinking well... Crap. I'm not really sure if commuting to Seattle is such a good idea, and I have people telling me I'm crazy for wanting to leave MS, but I've already got the second screening scheduled.

I figured, I'll just be kind of crappy in the interview, and that'll be that. I give decent answers, but I'm brutally honest about my lousy programming skills, and I'm a little bit eh on the testing parts, too.

The recruiter who'd been working with me asked how it went. I kind of shrugged and said it was okay, but I didn't think I really bowled them over. I'm thinking to myself, hell, in fact I kind of tried to botch it.

So imagine my surprise when I check my mail and find out they want to do an in person interview. They *like* me.

WTF? I can not figure this out.

I'm thinking if they like me based on lackluster replies and want me in, what the hell. If they're thinking I'm that qualified based on me at my worst, wonder what they'll think when I give my best? Worst case, I don't get the job, or I get it and turn it down. Best case, I get myself into a cool little company.

My only concern is that the job is contract to hire - I'd be a temp for a while, and if they like me, they'll hire me. It would mean I would risk leaving behind my permanant job, but then again, I had recruiters harassing me for vendor work (sort of like temp work but more stable), and while it's a slight paycut, it is certainly a safety net.

This is freaking surreal at this point. I finally try to screw something up and I get it right. Hell of a world sometimes. Holding out on any concrete decisions until the interview process is complete; I keep bantering around the whole thing in my head, but really, I can't make any decisions one way or another until the interview is done.

Damn. One downside is that the commute would be funky, and I'd have to arrange a lot of parts of my life. It might also put off me getting into volunteer EMS, but then again, I might find I have a supportive workplace that's cool about me leaving a tad early sometimes for meetings or shifts.

So freaked out now.

A feeling of awkwardness

http://seattlepi.nwsource.com/local/264412_shoottimeline26ww.html

A lot of it speaks for itself.

I am one of those water off a duck's back sort of people when it comes to violence. It does not affect me like it does other people. One reason why I felt I'd make a good EMT is because of this ability to not feel the pain of these things, to be able to distance myself, but still feel empathy for people themselves and what they're going through.

Reading about this shooting so close to where I live shook me a little bit. I'm certainly not raving upset or depressed, but I felt my throat close up and I'm having trouble not thinking about it.

I don't think it shakes my feeling of what I feel like I should be doing, and will do one day, not by a long shot. But it does drive home, for me, that there will be times that the things medics see are often senseless, frustrating, and sorrowing. I knew that logically, but I'm not sure I really understand what that feels like until now.

It's strange, really. I've read countless stories, seen countless things, have inflicted stories of so many awful things on myself, just trying to shake myself at all. Nothing. 9/11? I was very much simply "What the hell? Assholes!" about the whole thing.

Maybe I'm more human than I think I am some days.

Overdue update

Have fallen behind catching up with blogger people lately; I apologize, I suck. :P

Unfortunately, not many updates. After being shot down for that last job when I was so close, I'm feeling a little hopeless and have to keep reminding myself that there's life after this place. It's like a mantra. I'd put it on a sticky on my monitor, except that people would probably notice (it could go next to the FOCUS! and "don't forget who you are, and by the way, get off your butt and go to the gym" stickies). I'm hanging in there, though.

Interesting conversation a couple weeks ago. I was in line with my husband getting some hot chocolate and a coworker of his says, "I heard you want to be an EMT."

If I'd had the hot chocolate already, I probably would have choked on it, because I didn't think this was a commonly known thing. Apparently, my husband has told a number of people. Either that's a vote of support, or he thinks I'm crazy. Although knowing my husband, it's a vote of support because he's just that way. The only thing stopping us right now is money.

I hate money. I talked with my future sister-in-law recently, and she said that she didn't care about money. It's all fine and good to say that, but in the end, it puts the roof over your head and food on the table. It's not everything, but the nature of the beast is that you can't live without it. And my future sister-in-law says that admittedly as someone who is not working (my brother pays for all her bills and stuff, which isn't great as he isn't making all that much himself).

I'm getting quite a few pings about my resume, and I'll be doing some followups soon on those oportunities. I keep reminding myself that I'm very lucky - there's much worse places to be, but I know that it's a matter of time for me. Best I can expect on my next review is "meets expectations" because I don't do much programming, and at the end of this product cycle, that's mostly likely going to translate to a layoff. Not because of my performance so much as the fact that they want my sort of position to be at a certain "level", and I fall one level short. Even if I kick some butt, it's not likely I'll get the promotion to that level in time.

If I stay here, though, worst case scenario, I put up with the BS for another 8 months, and they lay me off. In which case, I get a sizable severence package and have some breathing room to look for a job full time.

In other news, I've picked up a potentially dangerous addiction in the form of Guild Wars. Way to see my home life productivity go down the toilet, but a startlingly good way to cope with stress. It can be stressful dying over and over, of course, but really, the game is risk free - it's pretty hard to screw up so bad that you can't undo it.

Keeping my chin up, and making the first solid steps towards getting my finances in order so that I can make all this actually happen, getting out of the software industry.

And... no

Well, crum. No job. Long story short, the company I'd be contracted with decided they didn't need any people like me from the company that would have been hiring me. So they didn't hire me. They said they're keeping me in mind for future opportunities, though.

Looks like it's time to pimp the resume. Curse a debt ratio that keeps me in this infernal industry. I'm buying some lottery tickets. :P

Short update

The company that met with me earlier this week really wants to get me in on the team they're forming. I've got to meet with them a bit more, but if all goes well, I might have a new job within the next 48 hours.

I feel like jumping onto a table and yelling about it for a few minutes. As is, I'm going to be having dinner with the neighbors soon and I'm sure they'll hear ALL about it.

I feel like a little part of my life has kind of woken up and looked around. Even if I don't get this job (and I really hope I do), I'm no worse off than I was before, and I proved one thing - it's possible. There's options out there.

Moment of OMG nervous

A company has contacted me and would like to speak to me tomorrow.

*Tomorrow*.

Here's hoping I don't vomit on myself in nervousness.

The secret is coming out

So I've been starting to tentatively talk to more people about my possible career. No one thinks I'm crazy yet.

I've started mentioning it often to my husband, and it's to the point where it's part of daily conversation. I had to deal with children the other day (me and children are a dish best served on opposite sides of the table; I'm pretty good with kids for periods of time less than an hour or two, but I'm not really a kid person at all).

My husband actually pointed out that it would be good for me to get practice with dealing with kids more consistantly for when I'm an EMT (which was funny because it's exactly what I was telling myself anyway). As I said - I'm not *bad* at it, but I'm really not a kid person.

He's gotten used to the idea, at least. I'm really happy about that.

On the work front, work was very good last week, but I keep reminding myself: that isn't a permanent situation. It's happened before, it'll happen again.

Overall, though, life feels pretty decent this week, which at least makes it easier to get through to the fun stuff in my days.

Random short update

I am still falling to the dark side, so to speak. Am driving everyone crazy with my random first aid and CPR fun things I learned, and I think at least one person is disturbed at the level of knowledge I have over the local fire station and how quickly I can spot our little town's ambulance.

My husband is talking about moving to Europe in a few years; he says it would be easier for him to make a living doing what he loves there. EMTs and paramedics are still paid pretty low over there, but it might work out if his stuff pays enough. We're going to do the research. Really, it's pretty early to even discuss much, but it's interesting and it's creeping into conversation. My stepson noted at dinner that his mother is just inspiring him to move to Europe after high school. Heh.

Job situation the same, however, last week was pretty good, for all of being a short week for me (sick, yuck). I feel like I kicked some serious butt, but it's still time to move on soonishly.

I also did some really good cooking over the weekend in an effort to save money and eat better. So far, so good. I'm not exactly natural born chef material here, but people are eating the food, and that's good by me.

First aid/CPR stuff

My first aid/CPR class was Saturday, and I have to say, it was a lot more thorough than I had thought it would be (which was very cool). Not only did I get the normal first aid/CPR stuff for adults, children, and infants, but I also learned how to use an AED and we had a nice beefy section on bloodborne pathogens.

As for CPR, they're still teaching the 15-2 ratio for compressions-breaths, and I asked the instructor (an EMT himself) about the new standard. He said that the thought seemed to be that at 15 compressions, the circulatory system just got going, and by increasing that, more blood will move through the body.

There's a lot more concentration on safety than the last time I took a course like this (which was something like 11 years ago). Good stuff. AEDs talk funny. They seem super easy to use, but I'm glad that I've got an idea because now I can say that I could use one without hesitation if needed.

Nice way to spend a Saturday.

Spectacularly unimpressed with my company today

:: facepalm ::

http://www.washingtonpost.com/wp-dyn/content/article/2006/01/03/AR2006010301400.html

"Security experts yesterday criticized Microsoft Corp. for waiting until next week to address a recently revealed flaw in the Windows operating system that they say is unusually dangerous.

The experts took the unusual step of urging users to install a patch created by a private developer, saying Microsoft is downplaying the severity of the security hole."

D'oh.

Thinking outloud

Hoping this isn't too much bitching and moaning. :)

I found myself digging through a lot of the stuff in the house, and found stuff like my old PSAT scores. The scores were good; what killed me is that at that point, in 1994, I'd put down that my intended major as being in health sciences. What the heck happened?

It started me retracing my steps through my life, how I got to this point. I think where it started was at the place I used to live. I lived with my fiance and a roommate, and we had a deal when we moved in that they would split the house payment, and I would pay the utilities. I would be considered a full time student, and they would support me in this.

It seemed simple enough. I worked only part time in a fairly low paying job, but I brought home around $600 a month - plenty for utilities, plus I also had an ample stock account at the time that I could draw off of as needed. It was intended to pay for college, but at this point, I'd changed to a community college, and the education wouldn't use as much money. There was some leeway.

Within months, things degenerated. Our roommate got his license. He got a few cars. He started to race one, sink money into another, and his driving record became bad quickly. Bit by bit, there was less money to pay the house payment. My fiance and I made up the difference, but then everything started going all to hell. We started fighting, all three of us. All the time. Those were still some of the worst years of my life.

It didn't take long for the blame for the situation to fall onto me. With few options and a lot of pressure on me, I dropped out of school for a semester, thinking that I might take one semester off, work full time, make some extra cash, then get back to school.

It didn't happen. Even at a full 40-48 hours a week, it still wasn't enough to fix the damage that our roommate had already done. For a while, we sent in our half of the mortgage and then he'd send his in, usually after he begged it from a family member. Soon, the people that we were buying the house from refused to take our payment without his. The mortgage payments started to fall farther behind.

I had no options - with my relationship and household crumbling under me, I started looking at contract jobs at the large technology company down the street. I'd tried this before, before I went back to school, but had never managed to land a job.

Amazingly, I did, first time I'd tried in about a year. And so I was off. I loved what I was doing at the time, and after a number of months, I had a chance to interview for a full time job. I did, and I didn't get that job, although I did end up landing another one. I really thought I was doing the right thing; I mean, this was *Microsoft*. How much better could I do?

Well, here I am, years later, and I think to myself, I'm not sure how much of it was the job and how much of it was the team. They were really good people, and even now I miss working with them. That team has since been scattered. And what I do now isn't the same. It won't ever be.

I will never cease to regret the fact that I let other people push me into the decision. If I'd been the person I am now, I'd have been more stubborn and strong, and I would have stood my ground. Then again, though, I'm not sure I'd be the person I am today if I hadn't had those experiences, if I hadn't learned that if I don't stand up and put my foot down, no one is going to do it for me.

Sometimes it's those experiences in life that you hate the most that teach you the most about who you are. I know who I am, and that's more than my mother could say for herself, for example. Some people never learn who they really are, and I'm fortunate in a way; I'm only 28, and I feel very comfortable in my skin so to speak.

I understand myself and am starting to get more ideas of the kinds of things I was meant to do in this world. I really want to help people. I think that's why being an EMT or a personal trainer appeal to me so much. It's obvious how an EMT or paramedic helps people, and as for a personal trainer, one helped save my skin at one point. She gave me back my health, boosted my confidence, and when I dropped over 50 lbs, I realized that I'd love to pass that gift on. I tend to do it in my way anyway, by helping people I know, friends and family, with what to eat, exercises to do, ect. It feels good to help people, to know that you've made some difference, however small. It's all those small differences added up that truly affect change in life.

Another thought on the money angle

We're currently paying around $450 in child support for my stepson who will be 18 in a few years, and $300 a month to the IRS to fix my husband's tax situation.

That right there is $750 that we're already used to having pulled out, and after that's done, we should be able to toss all of that into the bills and if we're this used to living slim, we might be able to pull off not having it just a little farther down the road. I think it's about time to call a tax attorney and see if we can negotiate something on the tax problem.

I can't believe my vacation is this close to over - I'll be back in the office on Tuesday. That is something I'm dreading, but I'm sure once I get rolling again after vacation I'll feel marginally better. The work isn't so bad, and I do count myself fortunate to have a job like the one I do. It just isn't the one I want to be doing!

Overall, though, vacation has been good. The downtime has given me a chance to do some serious soul searching, some cleaning, and even a bit of writing. It was just what I needed before rolling over into 2006, which I think is going to be a good year. I'm looking at it as the year of change, and that's really exciting and a little scary at the same time.

Hey, here's something cool

EMT and Paramedic average wages by state for 2002:

http://www.rescuehouse.com/content/ems-resources/004021.php

I live in the state with the second highest average. Worst places to be. :)

Incidentally, as of 2003, a firefighter/EMT in a local city would have made almost what I do currently.

See, not completely hopeless. There's also a chance of me taking a part time tech job and perhaps taking a part time EMT job. It would increase the number of hours I work, but decrease the number I spend in a job I can't stand.

I've got one bite on my resume already, and while it's for contract work, I'm happy to give contract work a run if it's less crap to deal with and if they'll pay me the same. I highly doubt they will (contract work in my field isn't paying great these days), but I can always set my expectations with them and see what they say.

Dad and sticks

I talked to my dad yesterday. He'd wanted to check on me, see how I was doing, ect. The usual father stuff.

We talked a bit about my job; I told him that I wasn't sure how long I could work the computer jobs. He said that he wished I could go back to school. I'm kind of torn on that topic. I got forced into college by him, to a large degree. I was perfectly happy to go to college, but I wanted to go to a community college, take a couple of years to figure out what I wanted out of a career, what really interested me. Test the waters a bit.

Up until that point in my life, I'd really only had two careers I'd wanted: either I was going to be a vet, or I was going to be an astronaut. Ambitious? You bet. I’m crazy that way. Hell, I’m just crazy.

At around 16, I discovered that I fell short of the height requirements to actually be a mission specialist or pilot. It’s very possible that standard has changed, but in its way, it was for the best – while it was what I wanted to do for a very long time, it’s also one of the most competitive fields out there. You have to be the *best* and I’m not sure if I would have cut it.

I’d also decided that I wasn’t sure I could deal with being a vet, either. The thought of “helping animals” sure seemed good in theory, but the reality was that I knew I’d have people who *could* save their animals, but didn’t want to bother and would just have them put down. I didn’t want to have to put animals to sleep that didn’t have to be, but the truth of it was, it would be part of the job. It isn’t suffering of the animals that would have killed me, but the attitudes of some pet owners. I know that I’d also want to do the right thing, I’d want to help the animals, but I’d always have to be considering things like what they could pay me to do, what they could afford, and I’d be one of those totally broke people because I’d give everyone a break.

My dad refused to let me go to a community college (and as he was paying, I was a bit trapped in the situation), and instead pushed me towards the college he went to. I know he meant well, but I’m not a university type of person. Put me in a room full of 300 people? I’m going to check right out. Or, at least, I did at the time (I’m less distractible these days).

I had no idea what to study, so I headed for computers. It was something I understood already to a degree. Predictably, I dropped out after only a year. I didn’t love it. I didn’t love any of it.

I explained a lot of this to my dad, that I just didn’t know *what* to study at the time. He said that I could have got any degree, even a liberal arts degree. I wanted to laugh – he told me back then, 10 years ago, that I couldn’t be a liberal arts major because I’d never make any money. I reminded him of that.

He said, “Sometimes it’s just about the experience.”

I wanted to reach through the phone and smack him with a stick.

Quick update!

Everything went off without a hitch today. I thought surgery was cool. Had some fun chatting with the staff, I think they appreciated having someone friendly and relaxed in there. I bounce back really quick; I woke up as they pulled the tube, looked around, and realized that I was dizzy. A few moments later, I started talking and sitting up a little and looking around.

I got crackers, chocolate, and juice afterwards. I demolished it.

Got to spend some time watching more Paramedics and Trauma: Life in the ER yesterday. I'm not sure it's helping - I'd started watching it to see if I was really sure, or if this stuff would just freak me the hell out. I'm completely enthralled.

I'm going to be putting out some feelers this week; I'm starting to lean towards a higher paying job with no benefits, and simply get on my husband's benefits (which are quite good). I'm considering contract work, even, but it would have to pay more than what I'm making at my current job. I'm pretty sure I could get subsequent contracts, but on the other hand, I'd basically be a temp and that thought is a little scary. If it gets me closer to getting out of this horrible pit of debt, though, I'm all over it.

Sick

It's taking me longer than usual to get over this cold; seems like it's really sticking with me, and it's driving me nuts.

There are times I really am torn about my job. I was just ready to start screaming the other day. My boss leaves me a Christmas present and thanks me for all my hard work.

Sometimes I wonder if I'm actually fooling them into thinking everything is fine. My managers have been another reason why I've stayed so long, admittedly, but they've still got to please upper management, and the whole thing is a mess. We have too much management. Ridiculous amounts of metrics that only have the purpose of looking pretty. We should be all out there finding out about what the customer wants. Management be damned - they're not the ones paying for the product.

I'm on vacation today; I managed to get a little Christmas shopping done. Amazingly, Christmas shoppers aren't pissing me off this year. In fact, very little is. Maybe I'm looking at the world differently, but I think I've also been more approachable to people. I was fumbling around with a large box in front of a store today, and just about to start rolling the cart out to my car on the far end of the lot (I prefer to walk than jockey for a space). A man approaches me and asks if he can help me.

It's kind of funny, actually. After the self defense courses and getting a good idea of what's out there, I've become very suspicious of society as a whole, but not of individuals within it. If anything, I am more likely to trust because I'm more confident in myself, my judge of character in a glance, and my ability to handle a situation if it went wrong. I certainly can't say I'm a badass, but I would pity the fool that thinks they're dragging me into their car.

This guy seems like a nice guy. I can probably get the box in my car myself (it's not heavy), but he's so earnest that I figure what the heck, if nothing else we can chat on the way to the car. I tell him that I usually do the liberated independant woman routine, but that I'll give in this time. He laughs, and helps hold the very large box onto the cart while we navigate the lot. I'd already turned a corner too quickly in line and managed to tip the box off, so help is always good. We chatted for a bit; his birthday is tomorrow, and he'll be 62. He's off to the liquor store to get the last of what he and his wife need to celebrate the holidays.

The box didn't fit in the car, no matter how much wiggling and shoving we attemped, so I decided to do what I did last time something didn't fit in the car - we just took it out of the box. Without that, it slid in fine, but we had this box. He insisted on taking it back up to the store for me, as it was on the way to his car (which was all the way on the other side).

Sometimes I forget how nice those little connections with people are. I feel sometimes that we get so rushed this time of year that the mass of people is just one more pain to deal with, and then you get that reminder that every one of those people are just like me - too much to do, not enough time, and all just carrying on in life. I smiled all the way home because of that man.

I'm sitting around the house watching Trauma: Life in the ER on Discovery Health. Seeing if I can scare myself. More than anything, I wonder, how can we all get into our cars each day and get out there, given what could happen? It's amazing.

Speaking of hospitals, I'll be in one tomorrow, and am actually really excited about it (which amused the preop nurse and my doctor, and scared a few other people). It's a very minor surgery to remove a lipoma on my back, but it's my first actual surgery so I'm actually really curious how it'll go. I've gotten lots done ahead of time; cleaning the house, making sure all the animals are good to go for the next couple of days (just in case I don't want to move much), getting lots of easy to cook food in the house, doing some laundry, the shopping, and a little practice on my instrument of choice (as well as a lesson today). Mostly doing the stuff I know hubby won't do and making sure that stuff was in order.

They don't want me to eat after midnight tonight, and I'll probably be out of the surgery center around 2pm. I'm going to eat the nurses if there's not a sandwich there.

Ah Saturday morning

I have a bitch of a headache, but I'm reassured: it's now the weekend, and I am only a week away from two weeks off. Freedom, sweet freedom. At least, for a couple of weeks.

Less than a week after vacation, first aid and CPR class! Whoo!

Short post; off to write a bit. I got on a roll last night but didn't end up finishing what I was working on.

Friday, baby, yeah!

Saw a car laying on it's side today while coming down the freeway. Not particularly sure how it got there; from the way the barrier is, I would have expected it to be laying on it's other side. Either they were really speeding and jerked over, or they hit the barrier and ended up on the side and turned around.

Regardless, there was an impressive array of emergency vehicles. I think they were still trying to get people out, as there were three ambulances waiting and a lot of people standing around the car watching. I imagine the fire department had to cut them out of the car. A fire truck, a couple of cop cars; quite a lot of turnout for one car.

The whole thing sparked an interesting discussion with my husband, who pointed out that I could work just about anywhere if I went into EMS. I think he's officially warmed to the idea, which is great - he's really being awesome about talking to me about all the odd stuff I bring up.

The place I submitted my resume to still hasn't called me; I'll probably start distributing the resume to more places soon, but I've got some health stuff coming up that I need to address. Nothing major, and all stuff that doesn't overly affect my long term health, but I'd hate to get to a new job and say, "Yeah, uh, sorry, I need to take a week off."

A new person at work asked me if I liked working there. I had to scramble for something nice to say about the place. Heh.

Boo, day

Looks like some of my other coworkers are starting to feel the craptasticness of the job. I did admit to two of them that the job was making me want to run around in the middle of the night in the cold and get bled on.

After that, I added another one to the "she's completely nuts" camp. And I didn't even go into vomit or feces or urine. Le sigh.

The fact that I work on a product that the vast majority of computer users see isn't quite enough to keep me going. One of the guys I talked to today says that he just doesn't have passion for it like he used to. It's really the heart of the matter.

I've started doing research towards the novel project. I've been reading a book about characters and viewpoint, and I started to get a little concerned as I read it. I worried that I wasn't coming up with enough ideas for my characters.

Then it occurred to me - maybe I've been doing this process all along and just haven't noticed. Once I got that straight, I felt better.

I've been getting back to the gym more; not only is it a bit of my sanity, but I've always taken some pride in how much I can lift, and I've slacked a bit the last few months. I love weightlifting so I'm pretty happy to be back at it. I pushed myself pretty hard, but I don't think I'm going to be sore in the morning.